Thursday, May 26

"We Are Going to Stop the Doom and Gloom,"

said Smart Nurse as her opening greeting. Apparently, my high level of panic got through to even Nurse Nasty and prompted Smart Nurse and Dr. All Business to actually take a moment to review my chart. Wonder of wonders. SN says that they are "moderately concerned" at my 14dpo level of 54 because, in their experience with IVF patients at this clinic, a level of at least 100 at 14dpo is strongly associated with a good outcome. To which I respond, yes, but you know exactly how many days an IVF embryo has been growing and we don't know that in my case, right? She agreed and agreed that my relatively low hCG level could be caused by perfectly normal and legitimate reasons.

The new (or maybe old but just misrepresented by NN) spin on the numbers is that the news is generally happy but still tinged with moderate worry for now, since they don't know definitively why my overall number is low. We are still doing an ultrasound at 5w2d to look for a gestational sac, although I'm unconvinced that we'll be able to see anything at all. But we shall see, I guess. I must do more early ultrasound Google searches to prepare myself in case they try to screw me again.

I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns for fucking with my head like this. But I am grateful for the small break in the crap slinging. Now, if things can just be something approaching normal for a few days in a row, I may even be able to keep my job.

5 comments:

JJ said...

Okay -- they know you aren't an IVF patient right - and therefore open for a variety of other variables?

I hate them too.

Anonymous said...

Hi

I'm just emerging beta hell too. My beta at 13dp3dt was 106 and I was very worried since my last m/c started with slightly lower betas. Most places I've read have talked about the importance of the doubling rate rather than the actual number. Luckily my next beta at 20dp3dt was 2700. I'm now 9w2d and still hanging tight. The sh*tty part about IF is that it robs you of any joy and innocence. There's always another milestone to worry about. I hope your u/s shows the right stuff.

corky

Bittermama said...

Geesh! These people... I'm glad that the smart nurse was reassuring. Can't wait to hear about your u/s results!

Anonymous said...

can't wait to hear your results dear E!
i seem to have also been in quite a funk with dh. it's feels like night and day, once you get that bfp and it's like the paranoia is just too much for them to understand. you both will get through this.
shame on those fasciast bastard nurses for making you feel shotty!
xoxo!!
angela~ff

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