Perhaps It's Time for an Update?

I have recently discovered (due to T's sharp eyes) that the invisible ink trick doesn't work on Bloglines. Ahem. So, screw it. I am having enough trouble talking about this without losing the blog haven too.

I am now 13 weeks, 4 days and I seem to be having a weird reaction to this pregnancy thing. I can't talk about it with pretty much anyone. I have been planning to tell people at work--and actively trying to do it--for several weeks now with very very little success. You may remember when I couldn't say the words, "I want a baby," on command to my therapist? It's a very similar feeling. I cannot seem to get the words out of my mouth. And so day after day after day passes and very few people know.

What in the hell is this about? I know that some of it is that I don't really want the oohing and aahing that seem to be inevitable and I especially don't want the suddenly intimate questions about bodily functions, etc. But I don't know about the rest of it. I don't feel especially paralyzed with fear these days--we've made it to the second trimester with basically no problems past the early days and I have no reason to think we won't end up with a baby at the end of this. So, that's not really it. I'm honestly somewhat baffled.

But the baby which A. has named Baby Peach (her size a couple of weeks ago) is doing just fine and waved to Grandma during an illicit u/s at Grandma's hospital last week.

There are most certainly no words for that.

Good News, for a Change

This has turned out to be a banner week in Blogland. Three IVFs, two positive betas so far. If you haven't already, please stop by the front porch of the lovely and talented Suz and the brilliant and gorgeous Bugs to give them your congratulations. I think I am more excited than I was with my very own positive beta, if that is possible.

And Jen darling, it's your turn next. Good things come in threes you know.

Akimbo

To my dearest Bugs, and Jen, and Suz, the internets and I are anxiously waiting with you for The Day to come, and we'll be here the day after, no matter what.

Meet the Stephanies

[photos edited due to excessive google interest]

Do you remember when you were 5? Did you have a partner in crime, fellow pirate and best friend forever? A. has one. His name is R. And together, they are the Stephanies.

No, that's what they call themselves. Really. They are twin brothers and they are both named Stephanie.

Aren't you jealous? I know I am.

Invisible Ink Is Pretty Techno-Geek, No?

I am still uneasy talking about my pregnancy, on this blog and IRL. So, in attempt number 4,027 to find some middle ground, I am going to outright steal this idea from T. at Good Times, Good Times and use some invisible ink for the most egregiously pregnancy-related stuff. Or at least I'm going to try it and see how it goes. Highlight the space below if you want to read such things:

My anxiety-ridden belief in all things bad (again, see T.'s most recent post for elaboration) led me to shell out hard-earned cash to rent a home doppler machine a couple of weeks ago. Not surprisingly, this led to even more anxiety because I couldn't find the freaking heartbeat! Everywhere I looked I found only mine. Stupid and plodding and slow and why in the hell do I have so many blood vessels in my pelvis? I mean, shouldn't two or three do the job? Sheesh.

Last night, in a fit of optimism, I tried again. No dice. K., sweet man that he is, tried to convince me that the machine was defective, not the baby. My belief in technology remains strangely unshaken so I argued with him (as I am wont to do these days), and in mid-sentence, THERE IT WAS! I found it! Eureka!

Baby G. is alive and well in there. What an overwhelming relief. I will admit to crying a little.

Fair Warning: Irritability Ahead

I should explain at the outset of this post that since becoming a stepmother who is deeply involved in raising a 5 year old, I have discovered myself to be much more traditionalist about discipline than I would have expected. Not quite a Victorian sensibility but firmly in the I am the adult and I make the rules kind of parenting category. Another way of saying it: I think it is our job as parents to teach children how to control themselves (to the extent possible depending on age, maturity, etc) so that they can use their emotions constructively rather than destructively. There is probably a fancy name for a parenting theory attached to this, but I am speaking strictly from the gut here.

So, on with the post. Before I became a stepmother, I had passing contact with other people's children. A day with the nieces here, a barbeque there, all very infrequent. I generally spent my time with other childless adults. But, since A. has entered my life, I have begun my initiation into the sticky wicket that is Hanging Out With Other People With Children. I think this happens because it makes having a social life with a child easier, not just because the kids mostly entertain each other.

Fast forward to present day. What does one do when you are viscerally irritated by your friends' offspring and/or their handling of said child? Irritated is perhaps not quite the word. Hmmm. Perhaps it's better described as a situation in which your friends' child is engaging in behavior that would get your child verbally corrected, at the least, or chucked into heavy duty time out, at worst. And this Other Child's behavior usually nets a very very gentle, "don't hit mommy," if anything from the friends. And this behavior is not occasional.

I could say that the major problem here is that A. will pick up the bad behavior. And, to some extent, that is an issue. But I think if we're being honest here, it's more about K. and I. What do you do when other people's parenting choices (and I do believe that's exactly what this is) drive you batty? We don't want to stop being friends with these people, as the adults in this circle are pretty close and have been for some time. And I certainly have no illusions that our opinions about anything involving their child would or should matter a whit to them. I'm even willing to go so far as to say that perhaps they are doing the best thing for their family. But, I will never ever be converted to thinking that misbehavior is charming and cute. I love my friends dearly but we have found ourselves shrinking back a bit from what once was a frequent social relationship. This has not been improved by hormone-induced crankiness.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Smack across the face?

A. Gets a Pony Ride

[edited due to excessive google interest]

Tell me that isn't the cutest cowboy you've ever seen.

Assorted Baby-Related Updates

Thank you for all of the kind and thoughtful responses to my last post. I feel sheepish for being so melodramatic but I did really mean what I said and it was lovely to get your support. I mean, it was lurvely.

On with the blog-confined baby update show then. I am now 10weeks 3days. Baby G is theoretically about two inches long and at last count had a heartbeat of 172 beats per minute. I am most definitely larger, although some of my nice friends deny it. I am freaked out by the fact that my left breast has inflated to be noticeably larger than my right. I can't help but think that this is unusual and it is certainly throwing off bra purchases.

Here are the ultrasounds that you have missed so far:

5w2d



7w0d



9w1d--you can see the little head on the right side of the blob if you look closely