We have begun the truly humiliating portion of our infertility adventures. I had heard tell of the Dildo Cam (thanks CF'ers!) and its joys but--Oh. My. God. Imagining reclining uncomfortably while you pretend not to notice that four--count 'em FOUR--total strangers are assessing the relative suitability of your naughty parts. The whole experience was a teeny tiny step up the evolutionary scale from being a birthing cow up for auction and about to be thrown on the shoe leather heap because your left udder is not plump. I felt like my worthiness to even call myself a female was in question.
So dear K, ever-supportive, stayed there with me during the exam (yes, by the head, not the feet!) and now we both wish he hadn't. While I was trying not to notice the DC, he was trying not to notice the physical manipulation of his wife's body by some strange man. With strange male witnesses. This, apparently, is just too too much for a Southern man to take in stride. He was shaking by the time it was over and done with and as emotionally thrown as I've ever seen him. Not surprisingly, I was not sympathetic. After all, it's not as if the experience was a joyful one from this end. (Yes, bad joke acknowledged, but I'm leaving it). I just couldn't, and still can't, worry too much about whether K is uncomfortable. I mean, Jesus H. Christ--who is the one to get poked and prodded and weighed and judged? Well, you know the answer to that one.
Anyway, the upshot is that we are ramping up the appointments and tests and meds to a cruising altitude, i.e. much more than we were doing, but still a good deal less than many are forced to endure. And my guess is that we'll both be spending more time trying to navigate this emotional thicket too.
4 comments:
The first time my husband came with me for a visit with the dildo cam (he stayed at my head, too, natch), at least it wasn't also my first time. Once it's in, everyone just looks at the screen and not at you. At least that was the case for me. But inserting it - depending on the wand monkey - can certainly be an adventure. You wouldn't think it would be that hard.
Jeff will be staying out of the room until/unless I have a baby in there that he should be seeing. Solo dildocam rides still suck, but at least you only have to worry about your own discomfor or embarrassment and not your husband's reaction.
I'm guessing we'll all be pretty thoroughly inured to the strange cooter-pokingn by the time we're through with this infertility process...hope so, anyway.
--Bugs
Hey, thanks for visiting my blog. Oy, sounds like you've had a fun day out. You have reminded me I'm probably due for a smear, thanks. I'll make sure not to bring DH with me ;)
My partner has been there through 5 transvag u/s scans now. My favorite was when he and the doctor were staring into the monitor trying to discern whether or not there was a kid in our obviously vacant gestational sac. After a really long time with the wand pressing inside of me at odd angles I finally had to say "can we stop now?"
Post a Comment