Wednesday, October 12

No One Said It Would Be Easy, Right?

If anyone is taking bets out there, we have officially crossed the magic protein line into pre-eclampsia. It is mild pre-e* but pre-e. So..........more testing and more waiting. There is not much to be done except try to keep it from getting worse for as long as possible. Which means strict, only-get-up-to-pee, bedrest.

This is much harder than it sounds. Much MUCH harder. Especially when your DH is essentially somewhat mistrustful of the medical profession and is not all convinced of the need for bedrest of this magnitude. And frankly, I wonder myself if Dr. Earnest is not going a bit overboard? It's hard to say. My Google M.D. says that bedrest is somewhat controversial in treating hyptertensive disorders in pregnancy, as the clinical studies only support a better outcome for the baby, not the mother. On the other hand, there is anecdotal evidence that it has helped some women prolong the progression of the disease. I think there really isn't a choice when it comes down to it--I have to know that I did everything I could, however futile it ends up to be. We don't have the luxury of a do-over if it turns out to be the wrong thing.

So.......the big challenge now, as seems to be so often the case, is to try to shoulder the load with some kind of dignity. I am finding this much easier said than done. Ha! Understatement of the year! It is so very hard for me--maybe not for everyone, but for me--to keep up with the emotional fallout of all this. I feel angry that this hell has to follow the hell of infertility, I feel abandoned by some of my friends and family, misunderstood by my husband, lonely, pitiful, eager to just DO something. For added drama, most of these emotions come in 10 minute revolving cycles throughout the day. And I thought Clomid was bad.

In any case, we will get through it. And--God willing and the creek don't rise--we'll have a healthy baby boy to show for it. That's a good goal, I think.


*If you're following along at home, the protein number went from 218 mg last week to 337 mg this week. Translation: 300 and up is mild, home bedrest pre-e; 1000 and up is hospitalized bedrest pre-e; 4000 and up is severe, delivery of baby now pre-e. The complicated part is that you can go from "mild" to "delivery" levels over months, or within days or even hours.

9 comments:

Bittermama said...

Muddy - again, I'm just so sorry to hear the news.

I've made a lot of decisions from TTC to pregnancy to parenthood on the grounds that I have to be able to look back and know that I did everything I possibly could.

I just can't imagine how horrible it must be. To feel so isolated when you're dealing with so much emotionally.

Oh how I wish I lived down the street! Or even in the same region.

We're all thinking about you constantly and pulling for the little guy.

PJ said...

Lindy put it best. I know I wish I lived nearer so we could all rally around you now and at least keep you company while you pass the time on bed rest.

I'm hoping and praying that your number goes down and at the very least stays mild.

chanceofbooks said...

Pulling for you too.

Anonymous said...

I am hoping you make it through at least the next few weeks without any signigicant increase in the protein or BP. So sorry you're experiencing this. You're in my thoughts.

Adrienne

DeadBug said...

Sweet friend, I am so sorry. To have to deal with this on top of all you've been through already--it's just not right.

You are in my thoughts and I will be hoping for improvement and relief for you soon.

Love to you,

Bugs

Bad Egg said...

Awww, geez, can you never catch a break? I'm so sorry this pregnancy has is not an easy one. It is totally unfair - first infertility, now these complications.

Please keep us posted how you're doing. Sending healthy, low BP, low protein thoughts your way.

April said...

I just wanted to pop over and see how you're holding up.

Thinking of you and hoping your situation eases, or at least does not get worse in the near future.

Anonymous said...

Hoping that the bedrest thing is not too awful. Is your husband getting it yet? Is anyone else looking after you?

Thinking about you.

Julie said...

Checking in to see how you're doing. Hoping all is well, and the bedrest isn't driving you too crazy. Let us know how you are. :)